Love is a beautiful thing. We all agree that falling in love is one of the most amazing feelings in this life.
Almost every person in the world hopes to find the one, fall in love, get married and while happily holding hands, they hop, skip and disappear into the distant horizon with the words “…And they lived happily ever after” written at the back marking the beginning of a fairy tale kind of life together.
Sadly, this is a very rare occurrence and I highly doubt that that’s how things happen in real life. But, while some relationships and marriages work without forcing things too much, others are a struggle from the very beginning especially in this age of social media where things tend to be even more difficult than before in the relationship department.
We have heard of stories of love going sour and people involved in a relationship either falling into depression, becoming the worst versions of themselves and even spousal murder being committed in some very horrific cases.
Well, here is a compiled list of early signs that could help you figure out whether you are one of the lucky few with the happily ever after or you fall on the other side of love going sour.
1.Your relationship is only all about the romantic pull
Romantic attraction between two partners is important as it is part of forming a healthy, solid bond. However, this should not be all that a relationship is about. A healthy relationship will require you to have other similar interests in common with your partner other than romance. Without the similar interests, likes, goals and shared experiences, the base of your relationship is bound to be weak (with very little to build on) from the get go.
2.You spend too much together
If you don’t have other friends and your partner is the only person you see to the exclusion of everyone else, this may spell Trouble (with a capital T as you may have noted.)
This sort of attachment to your partner may eventually erode your own sense of self. You might end up depending fully on them for your identity and happiness which is neither healthy nor sustainable.
You don’t like their friends
It is always encouraged to have separate friends from your partner. However, the problem arises when there’s an active dislike for each other’s’ social circles. This is because friends act as a reflection of a person, this may imply (on some level) that you may actually not really like your partner as you thought you did and this could be an early sign that the two of you may not be particularly well-matched.
The timing isn’t right
Stephan Laborssiere said, “The right attention from the wrong individual during a lonely time can fool you into thinking they might be the one.” He couldn’t have been more right.
Loneliness can put you in a very vulnerable situation where you are likely to connect with the wrong person and then proceed to ignore the red flags hence putting you in a worse situation than you were in before you met them.
Being on different paths and wanting different things at different times with your partner can also cause trouble.
Your relationship feels one-sided
If you feel like you are giving much more than you are getting back, this could be a sign that your relationship is one-sided. While relationships should not be about competing with your partner, both of you should do the work to hold your relationship together.
You feel controlled
Are you constantly feeling like your decisions/opinions are always over-ridden? Or decisions are always made without your input and your partner always expects you to gladly follow along without questions. This may mean that your partner does not respect or care about your feelings. Healthy relationships require mutual respect and there should be no compromise about that.
You don’t feel accepted
If your partner keeps criticizing you for your “perceived flaws” and is constantly trying to change every aspect of you and trying to make you be/feel like someone you’re not, it might be time to run for those proverbial hills.
This could only mean that your partner is trying to make you be someone you’re not and like they want someone else that is not you.
It is not right to treat someone with disrespect and try to change them instead of accepting them for the unique being that they are. Don’t sacrifice yourself for someone who does not see your worth.
You can’t be yourself around them
We are often likely to “filter” ourselves when we first meet people in order for them to like us. This is a normal thing. But as time goes by, we should be able to show our true selves to our partner and truly and comfortably be ourselves around them and it should feel natural.
As the relationship progresses and you still feel like you should continue to filter your personality for approval from your partner, then that should be a clear sign that your relationship is headed for trouble.
Young black couple arguing while having problems in their relationship at dining table.
You fight/argue all the time
While arguments handled correctly in relationships are healthy (they help partners understand each other’s differences better) and a normal part of every relationship there are some rules that should be considered. If the conflicts are frequent and volatile in the early stages of a relationship, this could be a sign of incompatibility. Frequent arguing in a relationship (especially in a new relationship) is proof that the relationship is not healthy and won’t be sustainable for a long time.
You don’t trust each other
Trust allows closeness, honesty and vulnerability to occur in a relationship. These traits strengthen the bond in a relationship. Therefore, it goes without saying that healthy, lasting relationships require mutual trust.
Lack of trust includes, snooping through your partner’s phone and social media, calling their friends frequently to find out their whereabouts…which are all exhausting things to do when you are constantly worried about another person instead of focusing that energy on other important things.
They’re regularly mean to other people
If your partner acts one way towards you and another way to other people like: Being nice to you and rude to the waiters, shop attendants, driver etc, this should be a concern for you as they could be just putting on a façade until they win you over and then later on turn against you in the same way.
When your partner is passive-aggressive towards you, it could mean that there’s an issue with the two-way communication in your relationship. While it’s ok to fall out sometimes, having open communication about it and approaching the problem constructively is a healthy response. On the other hand, making backhanded comments, avoiding direct or clear communication, sarcasm, playing the victim, holding grudges against one another is not healthy and will likely lead to the death of your relationship.